Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
