we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize