Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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