I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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