just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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