She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
try to milk me bitch
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
