So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
