We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
