dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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