a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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