just come out here and I will go home with you...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
