He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
