I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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