I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
