I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
