How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
