Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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