whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
