Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize