Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
