Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
