Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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