I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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