Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
