Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We left the knife in your bed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
