Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
