i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
