There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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