Swine flu. Run for my life!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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