I have demons in me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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