Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The air was thick with penises
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
