So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
