i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
