On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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