Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
sex in a hospital.. check
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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