he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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