Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
