If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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