i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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