You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
