Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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