Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
