porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
