Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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