i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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