If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
