I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
