My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
