Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
