I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
