I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
