he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
