Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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