ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
