They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
