You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
