I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
