Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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