Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

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(949): View more from California

I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever

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(423): View more from Tennessee

pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.

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(315): View more from New York

He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...

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(775): View more from Nevada

I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

so i said i had a yeast infection

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