Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
