so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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