We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
