Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
