I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize