you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Actions speak louder than pants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
