i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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