i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
