peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think my vagina is haunted
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
