Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
